The
famous travel writer Jack Kerouac said, "Good manners are a beauty that doesn't need to be spoken."
Good manners mean not embarrassing others, understanding their unspoken feelings, and sincerely resolving their discomfort. It means using wisdom to understand others' intentions and interacting with them with sincerity and kindness.
Truly well-mannered people make others feel incredibly comfortable. They will quietly close the door when they leave, without waking you; they will run outside the library when they receive a phone call, without disturbing your reading.
Well-mannered people are like spring rain, warming everyone in every corner, always making you feel incredibly comfortable unintentionally.
Seeing through things without exposing them—that is true good manners.
Some say, "Life is already so difficult, some things shouldn't be exposed." Seeing someone's embarrassment and awkwardness without exposing them is the most basic form of good manners.
My best friend Xiaohua said that once, because of a work-related grievance, she went to the restroom and cried for a long time. When she came out, she bumped into her colleague. At that time, tears still clung to her eyes. The other person simply greeted her, acting as if nothing had happened. Later, back in the office, the colleague also pretended nothing had occurred and continued with her work. She neither whispered to others, nor loudly asked Xiaohua why she was crying, nor offered any polite comfort. Afterwards, Xiaohua was very grateful that her colleague hadn't exposed her vulnerability, preserving her dignity.
Everyone is an adult; no one wants others to see their vulnerable and unbearable side.
Everyone has their own privacy, shortcomings, and flaws. If you expose them nakedly in front of someone, you will inevitably hurt them.
Chekhov said that good manners are not about not spilling soup while eating, but about not looking at someone who spills soup.
Not speaking ill of others, not revealing their shortcomings, seeing through things but not exposing them, understanding but not exposing them, and not making others feel embarrassed—this is the most basic compassion of being human.
The ability to see through things but not say them isn't just about controlling your tongue; it's about understanding others to the greatest extent possible, learning to empathize, and treating people sincerely. It's about not being aggressive, not being arrogant, and not putting others in awkward or embarrassing situations.
Life is sometimes difficult, and everyone has their struggles. Not embarrassing others is the most valuable manifestation of a warm-hearted person and the highest expression of good manners.
Quietly
helping someone out of a difficult situation is the greatest respect. Respect is mutual; only by learning to respect others will others respect you.
When Jay Chou was a mentor on the fourth season of "The Voice of China," a 16-year-old Thai-Chinese girl named Langgaram appeared on one episode. She sang Teresa Teng's songs exceptionally well, with a clear, melodious, and captivating voice.
Teresa Teng was one of the female singers Jay Chou admired most. When Langgaram said on stage that she especially liked Jay Chou's songs, the entire audience cheered, urging Jay Chou to sing a duet with her.
So, Jay Chou and Langgaram sang "A Thousand Miles Away."
Jay Chou started with the melody: "The eaves are like cliffs, the wind chimes like the vast sea..."
Langgaram then sang the second verse: "The story is outside the city, the thick fog won't dissipate..."
Because it was a female singing a male song, the pitch was an octave higher, and Langgaram seemed to be struggling, her voice strained. She tried her best to keep up with the rhythm.
Near the climax, when Langgaram sang the next line, the pitch suddenly rose, and she looked like she was about to hit the high note or crack.
Jay Chou quickly and naturally took over, singing the next line, and instantly, Langgaram's voice became noticeably smoother.
In that instant, all the awkwardness, embarrassment, noise, and chaos that might have occurred at the event vanished.
Jay Chou, with his keen attention and firm yet gentle kindness, defused an impending embarrassment for a young girl just entering the music scene.
Afterwards, Jay Chou neither commented on the incident nor discussed it in the media, letting it pass quietly.
To subtly help someone out of an awkward situation, without flaunting it or boasting about it, but rather without harming their dignity; to skillfully resolve embarrassment and offer just the right amount of help—this is not only kindness but also a rare and precious quality.
Being able to help someone out of an awkward situation without making a fuss, preserving their dignity to the best of one's ability, brings joy to others and demonstrates one's magnanimity. This is the highest form of respect and the highest level of good manners.
3.
Not using one's own advantages to embarrass others is the highest level of good manners.
Human hearts are reciprocal; treating others with kindness and leaving them room to maneuver also builds good character for oneself.
A person of good character can sense the embarrassment of those around them and resolve it subtly.
When Li Jian was a judge on a singing competition, a contestant named Hao Yaqing said somewhat shyly, "I'm an event singer."
Li Jian asked, "What's an event singer?"
Harlem replied, "It's a singer who performs at building openings and ribbon-cutting ceremonies. "
Upon hearing this, Li Jian quickly said, "Oh, it's similar to us."
Similar? For contestant Hao Yaqing, the difference was actually quite significant.
But in Li Jian's view, they were all singers, people who brought joy to others through their voices, and they also had similar commercial performances—indeed, they were similar.
Li Jian's words were approachable and heartwarming. Although it was just a small gesture, neither showing sympathy nor sarcasm, it brought him and the contestant on the same level, soothing the contestant's inferiority complex and conveying kindness and sincerity.
True cultivation is often silent; it resolves awkwardness without flaunting one's own merits.
It doesn't use one's advantages to act superior and make others feel uncomfortable, but rather humbles oneself to resolve everything and even help others succeed. It's about
understanding others with kindness, being considerate of others, and genuine sincerity. This kindness that touches the softest part of the heart is the best form of self-cultivation.
The highest level of good manners is making others feel comfortable. And the most direct manifestation of good manners is not embarrassing others.
A well-mannered person has a soft heart. They are like a warm spring breeze, leaving no trace, yet making people feel comfortable and comforted. Cultured people always make others feel like they're basking in a spring breeze, inspiring goodwill; ill-mannered people, on the other hand, make others feel uncomfortable and want to avoid them at all costs.
The more cultured a person is, the more empathetic they are, able to
put themselves in others' shoes and treat others with kindness. As writer Ou Wenmei said, a person who can understand others' perspectives and psychological activities will never have to worry about their future.
Those who strive to treat others kindly will one day be treated kindly in return.
May you possess a kind heart and be the one who doesn't embarrass others. Your kindness and good manners will one day illuminate your future.
...
Comments
Post a Comment