Friendship is considered the last of the five cardinal relationships, yet it is actually one of the most important. Friendship is essentially a positive relationship between people, encompassing virtues such as understanding, appreciation, trust, tolerance, and sacrifice.
If friendship is the foundation, other relationships, such as father-son, husband-wife, and brotherhood, can be perfectly established. Of course, the father-son and brotherhood relationships are permanent and cannot be chosen; while the husband-wife relationship has room for choice, once united, the principle is not to separate; and friendship is a relationship that can come together and separate.
Our ancient sages placed great importance on friendship. The *Analects* contains many sayings about friendship. The same is true in the West. Cicero of Rome wrote a famous essay, *On Friendship*. Montaigne of France, Bacon of England, and Emerson of America all wrote on friendship. I feel that modern writers seem less inclined to devote much attention to this topic. Is this a symbol of the decline of friendship in this era? I dare not say.
Franklin said, "There are three most faithful and reliable friends—an old wife, an old dog, and cash." Interestingly, none of these three friends are actually friends. Aristotle's statement is perhaps the most succinct: "My friends! There are no friends in the world." This statement borders on cynicism. In reality, friends do exist, but while they don't need to be searched for with a lantern, finding them is like panning for gold in the sand, requiring a long and arduous process. Once true friendship is forged, it is as strong as gold and as firm as stone, never to waver.
Generally speaking, birds of a feather flock together. Those who share similar tastes are the ones who can remain friends forever. Even in making friends, there are considerations of social standing. While not as strict as the Nine-Rank System, there are still boundaries. "Many of my classmates in their youth were not of humble birth, living in luxury and ease." Given this "luxury," how could one not look up at old friends without being captivated? Emperor Guangwu of Han's tolerance of Yan Ziling placing his thigh on his stomach is certainly commendable, but Yan Ziling's resolute decision to retire to the Fuchun Mountains is even more insightful. Zhu Yuanzhang wrote to a friend, saying, "Even after Zhu Yuanzhang became emperor, he was still Zhu Yuanzhang..." While the words sounded elegant, his later ruthless purge of his meritorious officials is chilling. Human beings are fundamentally the same, but entering officialdom can drastically alter their fate. Confucius said, "Do not befriend those who are not as good as yourself." I think this only refers to character and learning, and also means not associating with those worse than oneself, not that we must strive to reach higher positions. Friendship requires mutual consent; if both parties want to associate with those better than themselves, the friendship will never last.
"The friendship of gentlemen is as bland as water," because its blandness prevents it from becoming cloying and allows it to endure. "When interacting with friends, respect them over time." Respect means maintaining distance, preventing excessive intimacy. Most importantly, friendship should not be overdrawn; always reserve some. "The sacred bond of friendship is so sweet, stable, faithful, and enduring. It can last a lifetime if one does not ask you for money." This is truly a profound statement. Friendship inherently involves sharing finances, but this is such a delicate matter!
Offering advice is a natural duty among friends, but it's easier said than done. "If a person ascends to heaven alone and beholds the grandeur of the universe and the beauty of the stars, he cannot feel joy; he must find someone to tell him of the wonders he has seen before he can be happy." Sharing joy, rather than sharing hardship, should be a more normal and enjoyable aspect of friendship.
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